I was 17 when I went to Uni. And I remember writing down two goals. One was to graduate with a First Class. The other was to go to the Olympics. And I set off in pursuit of these goals with one of the four super powers I know I was born with – Perseverance. I spent my days in the library, never missed my classes, and – no matter what pleasures the night promised – went to bed early. At dawn or dusk, almost every day, under the cover of darkness, I would train. Sometimes, my closest friend would come, just to watch. You see? He was the only company I had.
For my school had no sports program (well, apart from 5-a-side football, and later on basketball). It had no gym, no sports complex, no sports culture, no sports mentality. Nothing. I didn’t even have the local competition circuit I had grown up on in Lagos, where Taekwondo clubs on the mainland and island would routinely meet. For Abuja was still a concrete city. Nothing. But I kept punching and kicking the best I could. But who can stay sharp without competition? True. And, I tell you, that competition did not come till the tail-end of my 4th year. In its history, this was the first time my school would go for the NUGA games. But, by then, honestly, I was no longer sharp. 4 years of isolation had dulled me. So, I lost my 2nd fight.
But I was back on the circuit! And having now discovered Taekwondo in Abuja, made it onto the FCT team, to go to the National Sports Festival the next year. This was at the start of my final year. You see? From my first year, in the absence of any way of actualizing my sports ambitions, I had given myself completely to the pursuit of my academic one. And it was now within sight. But, suddenly, so too was a chance to take a small step towards my Olympic dream. So, for a few weeks, I lived the life of a professional athlete. And at the Sports Festival, fought my way into the finals. And lost. True. Sometimes, it is less painful to come last than to come second. True. In the aftermath, I weighed the cost of continuing to pursue sporting glory (which included the left eye I almost lost in the ring) and that of chasing a First Class. And decided to let one go, and focus on the other. You understand? It was a heart-wrenching decision, but it did not make me cry.
I focused on my studies. And after 5 years of giving it everything I had in sun-scorched Gwagwalada, imagine? I graduated with a Second Class Upper – less than a quarter of a point away from a First Class. This broke my heart, but it did not make me cry. I squared my jaw and said, I will make this right in Law School. At Law School, from my campus (Agbani), there was only one First Class. And it wasn’t me. Again, a Second Class Upper. At this point, I looked at what I had written down at 17 – 2 goals, and here I was 7 years of graft and discipline later, and I had failed to meet any of them. You see? Success is subjective. So, honestly, it did not matter to me that those who thought they would Fail and made Pass, or those who thought they had Pass and staggered into Third Class were looking at me (are even now still looking at me) as if I was crazy, deep in my heart, I felt like a failure. And there in that valley of extreme self-immolation, tears came to my eyes.
Till I noticed something. That while working hard through school in single-minded pursuit of one goal, I was always that student other students looked for in class to ask, ‘Please, Dike, can you help me explain this topic?’ As a result, I had spent my entire time at Uni and Law School giving tutorials and mini-lectures. And in the process had discovered 3 other super-powers I was born with. One, the ability, after a long time in thought, to suddenly see complex things in simple pictures. (My mother calls this – Insight.) Two, the ability to communicate those complex things I could now see in simple pictures to others in a language that allowed them to see it too. And three, well, that if I really, really want to, I can memorise for Africa. And in that eureka moment I understood something – that sometimes when God puts a goal in your heart it is not so that you can achieve it. No. Sometimes, He puts it there is so that in reaching for it, you can stretch to your own full height. You see? Because, self-realization is, really, the only objective God TRULY cares about when it comes to you. You understand?
And it made me happy again. Plus, the fact that if after a series of deep, soul-wrenching, heart-breaking disappointments, you can still find joy, and meaning, and the motivation to roll out of bed with a spring in your step, love in your heart, to get stuck back in, then – honestly – nothing do you. True.
Ehm, I know you think the title of this article is a strange one, but if I remember to write the follow-up to it next week, it will make sense.
